blah blah blog

It's a gray, rainy day and I feel cooped up. Turned out to be a great day for making art with E! We practiced using scissors, scribbling, and peeling labels off crayons. We also practiced NOT eating crayons. I was eager to make his a colorful word chart for the fridge and I've been working on a little word book for him (insert the word DORK here). I'm proud to say "rain" and "wet" and "art" have been added to the list, thanks to this soggy day!
The rain and onset of early spring also has me thinking about the ever-growing to-do list for our yard. So here's what was on it last year:

2011 The Ultimate Spring Fever To-Do List:
Remove the nasty English Ivy from under my hedge row (in progress)
Re-establish a border for my front garden, use branches from our Beech tree
Incorporate a dirt-digging pile for E somewhere in the backyard
Build a sand box for E
Get plans for a cool fort/playhouse (if not this year then next)
Create a little table/chairs area for E to do outside art projects (in progress)
Remove more English Ivy from the fence in the back yard
Rearrange and transplant perennials in the back garden
Pot several more herbs with E to use in our cooking
Divide and share our Lemon Basil
Give strawberries and tomatoes another go and plant some more peppers
Relocate the crazy pumpkin sprouts to the back yard and up a trellis if possible
Convince my neighbor to take care of her horrible English Ivy situation creeping into my yard!

See the area behind the plants? That's where E's little art area will be.

Okay, so I didn't do everything on the list, but props for doing half of the list, right?

And here's the new and improved list:

Summer 2011 - first year of veggie garden!

2012 Ultimate Spring Fever To-Do List:
Remove heinous English Ivy from back of yard, clear and plant native shade garden with natural play area!
Build a cool playhouse and sand box for E in new shade garden
Replensh E's digging pit
Install recycled instrument area for E (I started this last summer)
Make a living hut with E - train grapevine over bamboo frame
Continue to remove the nasty English Ivy from under my hedge row UG
Plant some fruit trees along the sunny hedge - cherry, pear, apple?
Finish mini stone patio with table/chairs area for E to do outside art projects
Rearrange and transplant perennials, especially the spider wort and coreopsis
Plant and pot more herbs with E to use in cooking (rosemary, basil)
Veggie garden - plant more tomatoes, strawberry upkeep, try zucchini, peppers, beans, and lettuce
Border for front garden - stacked stone wall?
Convince my neighbor to take care of her horrible English Ivy situation creeping into my yard!

So obviously I'm the most excited about creating a new woodland garden along the back part of the yard. There are three beautiful old tulip trees there and room for tons of great features. Our compost pile and shrubs will live on along with native shrub plantings to benefit the birds and bugs. There are lots of great old limbs and logs that I will keep for E to climb on and add more log jumps and loose parts for him to build with. We've got a bat house waiting in the wings because the mosquitoes are horrible here. I can't wait to add a tree house and sand box for E, but that will take some recruiting to build. If nothing else, we will be able to enjoy them first thing in the mornings before the skeeters are in full force. I also want a little quiet nook for me and my husband to put our feet up with a glass of wine (or beer as the case may be) and watch the lightening bugs when E is asleep.

There are some beautiful native hydrangeas and azaleas that should do well along with lots of fern and a pretty little stone path. There's no way we could afford to do all the plantings this year, but I'm hoping to at least get the bones of the garden in. Maybe even an archway at the start of the path...

This was taken in late June 2011 - consider it our "before" shot.
If you look closely you can see our shed on the right where the compost pile will go.
The neighbor's fence is on the left behind our property, just to give you sense of how big the
garden will be. The area is about 20 feet deep or so. (I'll get a tape measure when I go out next.) 

These are the mature tulip poplars in the space.

But first: irradicate the English Ivy once and for ALL!

I have literally tried everything from newspaper to landscape fabric and cardboard to smother and kill it. I've pulled alot by hand, too. But the area is enormous and all tangled with the stuff, not to mention poison ivy here and there. Unfortunately the only solution left is Round Up if I really want it gone. My dear friend is a Master Gardener and she assures me it's the safest, most effective thing to use to get rid of ivy and it won't stay in the soil.

The plan is to spray on Friday and start this process...so wish me luck...

Assateague Island: a little calm after the storm

What impecable timing. Our professional development weekend in Ocean City gave me lots of space to reflect and recharge after feeling so worried about E. The core preschool staff visited Assateague Island and it felt like being on another planet. It was calm and wild. It felt remote, no doubt because it's winter, and was full of amazing nuggets to discover.

can't remember when

Can't remember when I last posted and I'm too distracted to care. I don't mean to sound like a whiner today but it's one of those days. I am fortunate to have an amazing family and job I love, so please don't take this as me being ungrateful.

I'm just so frustrated. I feel like I try to do everything "right" in terms of being a parent. From the obsessively organic food during my pregnancy to the no VOC paint in the nursery to the organic cotton blankets - I feel like I've done everything in my power to keep my baby safe from harm. And now as he's a toddler, I still go to extreme lengths to ensure he's got a happy, healthy environment. A loving sitter when my husband and I aren't around, stimulating natural toys without the buzz of TV, healthy diet, and plenty of enriching classes and play dates outside our home. Lots and lots of fresh air and love and kisses.

It's not perfect, he's two. It's hard sometimes and we do our best to stay patient and loving. I read and read some more so I can (try to) be informed about the best possible ways to handle challenging situations that arise.

But there hasn't been an article out there to address what I'm feeling now.

Our sweet little baby has some challenges, beyond what other two year olds do. We had him evaluated this week and unfortunately my concerns were confirmed. Intensified. Magnified.

And it just brings me back to this frustration. Guilt. More frustration. Was there something else I could have, should have done? Is this my fault?

As public as I am with this blog, there are some things that we are private about, so I'm not ready to go into details. Yes, E will be fine and there's no life-threatening conditions to speak of. We're addressing his situation and moving forward to help him. It's just so frustrating. We do everything we can to make his life as wonderful as possible, but in creeps this unknown...

It's that much more annoying when there are so many people that thoughtlessly go about parenting and take their child's development for granted.

The snow is falling and I hear my beautiful boy stirring. Time for a walk in the quiet, gentle snow.

what the?!*?

This about sums up my week.

super cute Sunday

He saw this hat at the store and exclaimed "Dada's! Dada's!". Naturally, I had to get it for him and he LOVES to wear it!

Guess who learned how to open the fridge?

back on track

After a grueling week of no napping, I am happy to report we are back on track! We (and E) were exhausted and had no more tricks up our sleeves or patience to sit in his dark room and wait for him to fall asleep. Rocking him proved only to make things worse because he refused to lay down after sunggling and would wake up immediately if we tried to move him into bed. This was NOT a case of a sick baby needing comfort but a battle to stay awake at all costs!

Finally my husband uttered those words I couldn't..."we will have to let him cry it out". And within 30 minutes of crying, he was asleep for the night. Luckily he was so tired he didn't have the energy to keep it up - and he didn't get out of his bed or bang at the door, which helped me hold my breath and wait for him to settle. Then the next day at naptime, he only cried for 20 minutes. That night at bedtime he cried for 5 minutes and ever since, he's our sweet angel lying down at bedtime. Thank goodness! My sanity has returned!

home alone

What a week. I can't remember a work week/home week that felt this crazy in a LONG time.

I know I'm not the only one, but saying it's "hard" to work and be a mom is an understatement. As my husband would say, "'hard' is wearing in a new pair of boots". Saying this was a hard week just isn't strong enough.

I'm sure you know (since I love to blog about it) that I'm the director of an amazing nature preschool. It's new and growing exponentially. Working part-time may leave some people with the impression that there's somehow less work to do. Not so. It just means that I have to miraculously do all the tasks that I would be doing full-time, crunched into a part-time schedule. I am a perfectionist when it comes to the quality of my program, so it kills me when I think I could be doing something better but can't. Managing staff, teaching, communicating with families, touring prospective new ones, and evaluating our practices - these are all tasks I take very seriously. The littlest bump in the road knocks my apple cart completely off track! This week I felt like I was struggling to keep it all together.

Of course, personal stuff always affects my opinion of the big picture. Our nanny was out one day, so I needed to piece my schedule together, missing time I hadn't planned on missing. I had an extra early meeting at work one day which threw me off. We had our windows replaced this week, which meant E had to be out of the house - and as a result he DIDN'T NAP EVEN ONCE. (Do I need to spell out the implications of no nap, mommies?) And this crazy home schedule threw E off even to the point of weird waking times, but the icing on the cake was his refusal to go to bed at all on Thursday night! I'm talking two hours of sheer torture people. Add to this my excitement (yet stress) of being commissioned to paint three new paintings on a tight deadline with no time to do it...and viola! STRESS!!!

After that little rant (thanks for listening) enter our Godsend, my Mother-In-Law.

I've heard all kinds of stories about the relationships people have with their MIL, many not so nice. But mine? She's amazing and she's absolutely smitten with our son. She's always ready to talk me down from the ledge and this week was no different. She happily picked E up from work last night so that I could have a reprieve and paint.

Yes, I feel guilty for not spending time with E after working all day on Friday. But given his sleeping craziness, I'm hoping this little visit will reset things for him and help get us back on track. Besides, I'm happy that he is developing such a loving relationship with his Gram and Pop. So, despite her joking threat of feeding him Popeye's chicken (you know I'm vegetarian, right?), off he went.

This is my long way of saying I'm home alone and recovering from a crazy week. Now, if you'll excuse me I have cup of coffee and some paint waiting for me.

This is just the initial stage of the painting. I thought I'd take some photos as it develops so you can see the process.

Stage 2...

Stage 3 and still painting...

Again, just the initial stages of the painting. On this last image you can see the medium is still wet.