Christmas in July

Although the crazy of Christmas is upon us, I am trying to slow down and reflect on the amazing year that my family had. We moved into a wonderful new home with more room to grow, my son started kindergarten, and we welcomed our daughter into this world.

It was a mild summer day when our little girl was born. I was so overwhelmed with the move (pregnant full-term) that I hardly had time to think about how much she would change our lives. But bringing her home felt natural and easy.

We loved our sweet little girl the minute we found out I was expecting. For years I had hoped to have a sibling for our son, a little partner in crime, someone he could share his childhood with. Watching our son fall for her, protect her, make her laugh, and comfort her has been nothing short of watching a miracle unfold. That brotherly love is something special. Despite him asking to launch her from the bouncy seat, more often he wants to hold her, smoother her with kisses, and give tickles to make her giggle.

Now that there are two little cubs, my life is full in the most wonderful (though hectic) ways. As much as I enjoy carols, mint cocoa and twinkle lights, the most precious gifts of the season are the ones that I call my husband and children. For us, Christmas definitely came in July.

first day jitters

Two huge first days this week: my son's first day of a drop off school program and the my own preschool's opening with the most families we've ever enrolled.

I couldn't be in two places at 9 a.m. Monday morning (surprising, right?) so I had to iron out the hiccups at work in order to focus on my son. Easier said than done. The two weeks leading up to Monday were brutal on all fronts.

Despite my halo of crazy, can I just say that our son is amazing? For all the worry my husband and I had about him being left on his own, he surprised us both. There was a brief look of concern and a "where's mommy?" as a few more children entered the room when it was time to say good-bye. I told him, "I'm right here. I'm SO PROUD of you! I love you!" and my eyes filled with tears. That was my sign to get out of there fast. Daddy reassured him he'd be back to pick him up and we waved good-bye. Off we went.

Given the fact that there's only five kids in his class with two teachers, and that school only runs for a couple hours, the logical part of my brain knew he would be just fine. And he was! The best part was how proud he was of himself. "I is so proud."

I have to trust that these new experiences will have just as much value and positive effect as what we've tried to provide. But letting go is scary! Except for close family, he's never been dropped anywhere before. He stays with our sitter when we work, but even that is like staying with family since she's been with him for nearly two years. It was a total crap shoot as to how he would react to being left on his own. I know the tears may still come once he adjusts after a couple of weeks, but for now I couldn't be more relieved.

Then, still wiping my tears, I shifted gears onto my preschool's big first day. By the time I arrived I could hear the children singing and there were no parents in sight. Could it be that things went that smoothly? Thanks to the amazing teaching and admin staff, everything went off without a hitch!

The week ended on a high note when E returned back to school and still walked right in like he owned the place. I stood there dumbstruck, trying to take it all in. My baby has grown into a little boy. Already! I is so proud!

 

oh cheese

Those little wooden animals just didn't want to fit inside the the barn. "Oh jeeze! They keep falling out!" I joke. Pause. Then out of no where, unbridled laughter. "Oh cheese!" he squeals and giggles. "Oh cheese!" Don't you just love their sweet, pure laugh?

The school year is barreling closer and I'm wresting again with major mommy guilt. Say what you will about how adaptable kids are, I get it, but that doesn't take away the aches and pangs of guilt I feel most days I'm away from him.

Yes, there are days that I don't feel that ache. And then I feel guilty about that, too.

Anyone who knows me knows how passionate I am about my work and how much I love my job. Before having children I was always the last one out the door, staying until it was dark outside knowing full well I'd never recover all that overtime. I didn't care - there was just so much to do. I was (and still am) hyper-motivated about innovating programs and teaching. Especially as it pertains to getting messy.

Now that I've built an incredible program, brick by brick (or more accurately leaf by leaf), that same ambition grows. In fact, it's insatiable.

Given the work that I do as an educator, I feel proud. Proud of the profound and lasting effects my work has on students, families and other educators. My work also plays a great role in my own child's life when he enters our nature preschool next year. This is more than just a job. It is how I define myself and how I share my values with the community. I have an amazing career that goes beyond punching a clock, collecting a paycheck and racing like a bat out of hell when it's five.

There you have the dynamic. When I'm not with E or thinking about spending time with him and my husband, then I'm obsessing (and dreaming) about work.

With the on-going reminder of the graduate coursework I put on the shelf nine years ago, and then revisiting the idea again last fall, I continue to struggle with my work family balance. I long to further my career so that my reach goes beyond the one program I've created. I want my reach to be national. International. And I'm not far off from achieving those goals. The more I work with educators, the greater impact my vision will have.

So I'm longing to complete my Masters coursework, once and for all. Well, until I go on to pursue my Doctorate.

And then I'll go back as a feisty little old lady and get that MFA in painting.

Did I mention I completed those three painting commissions? They are finally out the door! But I digress...

The point is, I always want to thinking long term. I have a lot of career left! But this fight in me to do more with my career is always tempered with the guilt and struggle of more time away from my son. In this case, it's only three hours of class. But it's an intense three hours on top of a day away from him at work first. And that three hours means more childcare or juggling with my husband on top of our crazy opposite schedules.

How do you put the brakes on a career at the exact moment in time when momentum is at its greatest? How do you explain that urgency to people around you that can't recognize the power and potential of this ambition? How do you justify or reconcile more demands of mommy's time with an overworked husband and a toddler at home?

Ah the demands of a modern mommy. Oh cheese.

my world (no offense, hubs)

He's everything I'd ever hoped he'd be: happy, playful, sensitive, clever, creative, curious, and sincere. Did I mention he's adorable just like his daddy? He's also willing to get dirty making art projects, likes to dig in the yard by my side, dance with me, and eat my cooking - with minimal complaints. He always gives me some sugar or a hug exactly when I need it.
What's not to love? I'm the happiest mama bird around.

81-year-old Grammy in platform shoes

The list is long when it comes to why I love my husband's family, but it starts with a fun-loving approach to life...

...and ends with shots of birthday cake-flavored vodka. *NOTE* No hips were broken during this photo shoot!

Thanks for the new wheels, Gram!

This little man was asleep during all the fun. Seems like his new ride really wore him out!

month of meals?

I'm going where no modern woman has ever gone before. (Okay, that's a lie, it's just were I've never gone before.) I'm going to the land of homemade meals. Every night. For a month.

And by going to this magical place, what I really mean is making this magical place. All by myself. Except, my husband will be expected to open tight jars and shred cheese.

I love to cook. But it's something I'm often too tired to do. With warm weather here and the produce aisle looking more luscious than ever, I'm determined. Between the fresh spring fruit and my Vegetarian Times magazine, I've got all the inspiration I need.

So begins my attempt at a month of meals.

On Feb. 29 I did a trial run. Since it was leap day, best to pretend like that meal never happened. I tried to cook with fennel since I had no idea what it was. Needless to say I substituted orzo pasta for arborio rice which was disastrous. Possibly the nastiest pile of food I've ever cooked. Bless my sweet child he ate a whole bowl full of it! My husband, not so much. He's still apologizing for his obnoxiously honest reaction to my fennel fiasco.

Which means Mar. 1 is technically my day one of said month of meals. Good thing too, because I reverted to an old standby to save face. Homemade cornbread and chili is always a winner with Frito's at the bottom of the bowl. Not sure what's on the menu tonight...

Assateague Island: a little calm after the storm

What impecable timing. Our professional development weekend in Ocean City gave me lots of space to reflect and recharge after feeling so worried about E. The core preschool staff visited Assateague Island and it felt like being on another planet. It was calm and wild. It felt remote, no doubt because it's winter, and was full of amazing nuggets to discover.

can't remember when

Can't remember when I last posted and I'm too distracted to care. I don't mean to sound like a whiner today but it's one of those days. I am fortunate to have an amazing family and job I love, so please don't take this as me being ungrateful.

I'm just so frustrated. I feel like I try to do everything "right" in terms of being a parent. From the obsessively organic food during my pregnancy to the no VOC paint in the nursery to the organic cotton blankets - I feel like I've done everything in my power to keep my baby safe from harm. And now as he's a toddler, I still go to extreme lengths to ensure he's got a happy, healthy environment. A loving sitter when my husband and I aren't around, stimulating natural toys without the buzz of TV, healthy diet, and plenty of enriching classes and play dates outside our home. Lots and lots of fresh air and love and kisses.

It's not perfect, he's two. It's hard sometimes and we do our best to stay patient and loving. I read and read some more so I can (try to) be informed about the best possible ways to handle challenging situations that arise.

But there hasn't been an article out there to address what I'm feeling now.

Our sweet little baby has some challenges, beyond what other two year olds do. We had him evaluated this week and unfortunately my concerns were confirmed. Intensified. Magnified.

And it just brings me back to this frustration. Guilt. More frustration. Was there something else I could have, should have done? Is this my fault?

As public as I am with this blog, there are some things that we are private about, so I'm not ready to go into details. Yes, E will be fine and there's no life-threatening conditions to speak of. We're addressing his situation and moving forward to help him. It's just so frustrating. We do everything we can to make his life as wonderful as possible, but in creeps this unknown...

It's that much more annoying when there are so many people that thoughtlessly go about parenting and take their child's development for granted.

The snow is falling and I hear my beautiful boy stirring. Time for a walk in the quiet, gentle snow.

back on track

After a grueling week of no napping, I am happy to report we are back on track! We (and E) were exhausted and had no more tricks up our sleeves or patience to sit in his dark room and wait for him to fall asleep. Rocking him proved only to make things worse because he refused to lay down after sunggling and would wake up immediately if we tried to move him into bed. This was NOT a case of a sick baby needing comfort but a battle to stay awake at all costs!

Finally my husband uttered those words I couldn't..."we will have to let him cry it out". And within 30 minutes of crying, he was asleep for the night. Luckily he was so tired he didn't have the energy to keep it up - and he didn't get out of his bed or bang at the door, which helped me hold my breath and wait for him to settle. Then the next day at naptime, he only cried for 20 minutes. That night at bedtime he cried for 5 minutes and ever since, he's our sweet angel lying down at bedtime. Thank goodness! My sanity has returned!

home alone

What a week. I can't remember a work week/home week that felt this crazy in a LONG time.

I know I'm not the only one, but saying it's "hard" to work and be a mom is an understatement. As my husband would say, "'hard' is wearing in a new pair of boots". Saying this was a hard week just isn't strong enough.

I'm sure you know (since I love to blog about it) that I'm the director of an amazing nature preschool. It's new and growing exponentially. Working part-time may leave some people with the impression that there's somehow less work to do. Not so. It just means that I have to miraculously do all the tasks that I would be doing full-time, crunched into a part-time schedule. I am a perfectionist when it comes to the quality of my program, so it kills me when I think I could be doing something better but can't. Managing staff, teaching, communicating with families, touring prospective new ones, and evaluating our practices - these are all tasks I take very seriously. The littlest bump in the road knocks my apple cart completely off track! This week I felt like I was struggling to keep it all together.

Of course, personal stuff always affects my opinion of the big picture. Our nanny was out one day, so I needed to piece my schedule together, missing time I hadn't planned on missing. I had an extra early meeting at work one day which threw me off. We had our windows replaced this week, which meant E had to be out of the house - and as a result he DIDN'T NAP EVEN ONCE. (Do I need to spell out the implications of no nap, mommies?) And this crazy home schedule threw E off even to the point of weird waking times, but the icing on the cake was his refusal to go to bed at all on Thursday night! I'm talking two hours of sheer torture people. Add to this my excitement (yet stress) of being commissioned to paint three new paintings on a tight deadline with no time to do it...and viola! STRESS!!!

After that little rant (thanks for listening) enter our Godsend, my Mother-In-Law.

I've heard all kinds of stories about the relationships people have with their MIL, many not so nice. But mine? She's amazing and she's absolutely smitten with our son. She's always ready to talk me down from the ledge and this week was no different. She happily picked E up from work last night so that I could have a reprieve and paint.

Yes, I feel guilty for not spending time with E after working all day on Friday. But given his sleeping craziness, I'm hoping this little visit will reset things for him and help get us back on track. Besides, I'm happy that he is developing such a loving relationship with his Gram and Pop. So, despite her joking threat of feeding him Popeye's chicken (you know I'm vegetarian, right?), off he went.

This is my long way of saying I'm home alone and recovering from a crazy week. Now, if you'll excuse me I have cup of coffee and some paint waiting for me.

This is just the initial stage of the painting. I thought I'd take some photos as it develops so you can see the process.

Stage 2...

Stage 3 and still painting...

Again, just the initial stages of the painting. On this last image you can see the medium is still wet.

am I dreaming? part deux

You'll have to read the first am I dreaming? post to really appreciate this one. But all I can say is hallelujah! I woke up this morning and it was light outside. My toddler was still sleeping! Given the success of our big weekend event at work, we've deemed this a PumpkinFest Miracle.

I tried the new game plan on day three (yesterday) when he woke at 6 a.m. - rock, snuggle, and sing in his room until the sun was up. Our house was calm and we had a great morning together. He even had a two hour afternoon nap (still not his usual three hours, but better than one). His bedtime routine was our usual snuggle story time followed by daddy tooth brushing. Then he went to bed at 8:30 p.m. And he slept until after 7 a.m.!

I don't want to jinx it. But maybe the stars have aligned once again? Could my good sleeper be back?

We are in no-man's-land about the two year molars. I don't think they are in yet, so I'm sure we could be dealing with this for a couple of weeks. I'll be sure to ask the pediatrician when we go for our two year check up.

am I dreaming? toddler sleep issues strike

My wonderfully sound sleeping baby has had two brutal nights of toddler sleep regression. Please tell me this is a bad dream!

Now, I know there are some people that may be rooting for this news from me. After all, my kiddo started sleeping through the night at 2 months and never turned back. You might be thinking "Ha! Finally!" I get it, we've been very fortunate in the sleep department. But now this. 

A 5 a.m.wake up call. Seriously? Doesn't he know I am overseeing a HUGE special event this weekend and I need to sleep?

And what to do?

I'm sure we did EVERYTHING wrong in our sleepy haze. Well, we tried to provide comfort, let him settle down, and put him back in bed. After several unsuccessful attempts, we calmly told him (from outside his door) he needed to do "night nights" because it was still dark.

And then we did the unthinkable. We let him cry.

I stood outside his door as he cried, yelled, banged, pulled on the door, and whimpered, begging for us to comfort him. It felt wrong. I knew it was wrong, letting my baby cry like that. I felt like we were punishing him because he couldn't sleep. We've been such loving parents to him. He must be crushed to think we turned on him when he needed comfort. I feel HORRIBLE about this.

But I had all those obnoxious, well-meaning voices in my head saying "he's going to have to learn he has to stay in bed". I hate myself for not trusting my own instincts.

We know our baby. We've worked hard to establish a loving, trusting relationship with him. Not to mention happy, safe, relaxing sleep routines.

Naturally, I turned to the internet to see if other people have experienced this with their toddlers (he'll be two next month) and what potentially causes this. Here's what I gleaned from my "research":

Maybe he's too little to be in a bed. For his safety, we had to take one side off the crib a couple of months ago and replace it with a rail because he was trying to climb out. But some people say toddlers lack the self-control to stay put once they realize they can get out. I don't think this is the problem. At least, not yet.

Maybe he's hitting a milestone. Some sites suggest that when babies are focused on a new skill (like younger babies before they learn to crawl or walk), their sleep patterns regress. I had heard of this before and this could make sense since he's starting to talk. Maybe he's just so revved up that he can't unwind.

Maybe he's having bad dreams. Toddlers' memories get stronger so they can replay images in their heads and remember dreams. He's not in a scary environment, but then, remembering the neighbors dog jumping up on him or our cat chasing the local fox might seem pretty scary to him. This bad dream explanation would make sense since his afternoon nap is cut short and he is waking between 5-6 a.m.

Maybe he's cutting his 2-year molars. YIKES! The WHAT? Yeah, somehow I didn't get the memo on this one and wasn't smart enough to put two and two together. He's been drooling alot and I thought I saw some little bumps around his chin a few days ago. Why didn't I realize that was a rash from the drool? Then today at the store, he bit his snack and winced, then stuck his finger in his mouth. Yeah, I'm thinking this is what the problem is.

So there we were. Cliche ignorant, tired parents debating what to do and failing miserably. I feel sick to my stomach about this - him screaming and crying in pain. I should have trusted my gut to comfort him.  Here are more reasons not to let your toddler "cry it out":

-You have to de-sensitize yourself to your baby's cries.
-You have to ignore your instincts as a parent. Why would we want to do that again? To follow inaccurate theories from people 50 years ago?
-You potentially overlook health issues or illness (in our case teething).
-He's got two years of great sleep habits under his belt, so this is just a temporary sleep disturbance. Figure out the cause and address it. Making him cry will not improve things if the problem is physical. In effect, you'll be punishing him for waking that is out of his control and losing sleep over it as he cries.
-He'll start to fear going to sleep because it will no longer feel like a safe, peaceful environment. (This will then impact naps and betimes.)

New game plan: Wake up as soon as he does, no matter how early. Rock, snuggle, and sing. Hope that he falls asleep in my arms and that I fall asleep, too. Hope that he forgives us.

what's accreditation?

Lots of things come with a seal of approval, a certification to acknowledge high quality. I've worked (and am still working) diligently to create an outstanding nature-based preschool and, honestly, I want to shout about it from the mountaintops.

This leads me to the next phase of my planning which is NAEYC accreditation. The National Association for the Education of Young Children is the bees knees where standards for young learners are concerned. Regarded both nationally and internationally, NAEYC sets the bar for the best early childhood programs and care centers. And since offering the very best educational experiences is my goal, accreditation is an important distinction for my preschool.

Yesterday I spent the day in D.C. doing a workshop to prepare for their lengthy accreditation process. The emphasis was on self-study and reflection. They ask candidates to take an honest look at all aspects of their programs: staffing, curriculum, the physical environment, health/safety practices, relationships with families and children, and on-going assessments of what the children learn. I'm bracing myself for the work ahead of me.

NAEYC outlines 10 standards by which they measure over 400 criterion. Yes, you read that right. There are over 400 criterion that I must meet by showing evidence for each one in a program portfolio and in classroom portfolios. Long before anyone ever comes to observe our program, we will need to scrutinize how we implement these best practices and set up improvement plans where we fall short.

As I was reading through the criterion I was definitely feeling overwhelmed. But at the same time, I wanted to race back in to work because I know we already have tons of "evidence" for our portfolios. I'm eager to meet with my team and get everyone on board and reved up about this!

If you are looking for high quality preschools or child care centers for your little one, I highly recommend that you find NAEYC accredited programs in your area. These are places that have decided that a fully enrolled program is not their only goal. Just because a center has a wait list doesn't mean they are offering the highest quality care - it just means they are meeting their budget goals! Programs that seek to constantly improve work hard to achieve accreditation. It says a lot about a program.

(Now, I should also note that there are many places that don't know about the benefits of accreditation or have decided to wait on doing it. I don't mean to discount all of the wonderful programs out there that are not accredited. This is an extra step centers can take to distinguish themselves among the best.)

And this is not just a one time thing and then you're done - in order to maintain accreditation, a program must re-submit materials and do another observation every five years. This is an on-going commitment to offer the highest quality program possible, and to be confident enough to locate chinks in the armour and fix them.

I'll keep you posted on our progress. This will take over a year to complete!

boost of NYC energy

Leave it to NYC to spark positive energy in me. I needed a break and I jumped at the chance to mooch a free hotel room from my sister. I met up with her on Saturday morning after a scrumptiously relaxing train ride there. Have you ever heard of a "quiet car"? Oh yes, they exist, but only on trains. We're talking coffee and a journal writing session that was totally uninterrupted. For hours. I think I could have stayed in that quiet car all weekend!

From Baltimore, it takes under three hours to get there, so I've got no excuse for not visiting more often.

Anyhow, my sister greeted me at the station rearing to go. We grabbed a bite to catch up before catching a matinee on Broadway. We saw "Catch Me If You Can" (yes, like the movie with Leonardo DiCaprio and Tom Hanks). It was AWESOME! I loved every minute of it. Too bad you can't take pictures inside. The grouchy lady beside me was quick to point this out.

We got our shopping fix all afternoon and then found a great Cuban restaurant with live music for a late dinner.

The highlight came on Sunday went we spent the day at the Met. What an incredible collection! I barely scratched the surface because you could spend days there and not see everything. Being the modern art girl that I am, I made a bee-line for their modern and contemporary art wings. Don't worry, my gracious sis was happy to wait in the HOUR LONG LINE to view the special Alexander McQueen exhibition.

I took tons of photos of my favorite art, which I'll share here. (Artists, please forgive me for photographing without your permission!) These works are too amazing not share. Which is your favorite?

Classic Cezanne - father of modern art by some definitions.

De Kooning's Easter Monday. This is newspaper and oil on canvas. I find his work incredibly expressive and free. This is a huge influence on my own painting.

Klimt here. A piece that appears unfinished but still rich in colorful pattern. Gorgeous.

Another hugely important figure in art, Braque's The Studio. Braque played a pivotal role in the cubist movement, having a profound impact on Picasso.

Quintessential Matisse.

Aren't these sculptures the best? They are right at home among the Warhol and Lichtenstein pop art.

A sweet and classic portrait by Renoir.

Barnett Newman. I love color field paintings. They are so direct. This really celebrates the nuances of the paint hues and the subtle textures of the paint on the surface.

This is a breath-taking piece (center) made by Anselm Keifer. It depicts a field of poppies with a road cutting through the center. Also note the incredible Chuck Close portrait on the right.

A seascape by Paul Signac. This gets at the heart of the pointillist movement.

Just another fabulous day in the big city.

super human powers? favorite places?

One of my colleagues is put together a "getting to know you" staff board and sent out some questions for us to answer and post for all to see. My immediate reaction was, "GREAT. Homework."

But as I read down the list of questions, I found them to be amusing if not thought-provoking. And pretty revealing for those that give honest answers.

"If you could have one super-human power, what would it be and why?"

I didn't answer this one because I was too embarrassed, but I don't mind telling you! If I could have a super-human power it would be the power to instantly detect and remove any evil, nasty thoughts of people around me. I would fly to far-off lands and try to get close to those terrible dictators and gorilla war mafias - just close enough to be in the same air space - so that I could erase all of their evil ways. I would mingle with politicians in D.C. I would visit my local mechanics and contractors and car salespeople (since, though cliche, I've been duped by all of them). I'd go to prisons and visit inmates. I visit drug rehabs and schools. There's so much good I could do!

It would be a great power to have. But then again, it would only make the world a better place if I were able to meet a whole lot of "bad guys". And, I guess I would want this power to permanently erase the evil thoughts. It would be tricky because culturally some things are acceptable in one place while they may be considered "evil" in another. That would be tough to work around...

Oh, and the power would have to work on me, too.

Okay, then again, there's supposed to be opposition to all things good, right? So, maybe this wouldn't make things better after all? Who am I to be the evil-thought police anyway?! Ug. I give up. This is clearly why no one has bestowed any super human powers on me. You can see why I didn't end up answering this question for the quote board...

But the question I DID choose to answer was "what is your favorite place in the whole world?"

I've been to a few places. Not many in America, actually. I've done lots of travelling in Europe. But I'm not all that well-traveled compared to some globe trotters. There have been some amazing places that I've seen. The ruins of a monastery in England, the incredible castles in France, the sun-drenched coastline in Portugal, rural landscapes in Scotland, La Guernica by Picasso in Spain - I've seen some awe-inspiring things abroad.

When I think of favorite places in the U.S., as I say, I'm a bit limited geographically speaking. But I've explored many miles of forest along the Gunpowder River and along the shores of the Chesapeake Bay. Nothing beats a seine net full of crayfish on a hot summer day, especially when you're sharing the experience with children. I've been to a few states but by no means have I seen the whole country. I feel very fortunate that Maryland (and the East Coast) has so many diverse regions. I can honestly say I love where I live.

Giving this more thought, it's no surprise that my favorite place is my own yard. It's my own piece of, not heaven, but life carved out in grass, bugs, weeds, stones, and flowers. It's what I make it. And it's my favorite place of all.

For starters, my family is always near: my husband and my babe and my cat. But the physical place, the space that is my yard, is a sanctuary that I try to build every day. Even though it's work, I love to do it. And when I think about my yard and the gardens which are in constant flux, I think about the time I spend sharing it with my son. You've seen the blog, you know how much time we spend outdoors. It's our life!

So what could have been a mundane work task became a fun exercise for my brain. There are still so many places to go, so many places to see and love. But the verdict is in on my favorite place in the whole world: home.

dethroned

I thought that I was the queen bee when it comes to E. I thought that I was the apple of his eye. Given that I gave birth to him and all (and destroyed my figure in the process) I foolishly assumed that I would always be his "go to". You know, anytime there is a boo-boo or he's scared or he needs a reassuring snuggle, I'd be top pick.

Seems I have been dethroned by my husband!

We've had a couple of little incidents here recently where E very deliberately wanted his dada instead of me. What a blow to my ego! I couldn't help but feel a little hurt, even though I know it's completely irrational! When I saw my little guy's arms go flying in the direction of dad, I was crushed. My comfort wasn't good enough. Daddy reigned superior.

Please tell me someone else can relate? I'm not crazy, am I?

I hope you know that I am writing this with a bittersweet chuckle. I am grateful that my husband spends copious amounts of time parenting - far more than most dads I know. And E reaps all the benefits of a loving, trusting relationship with his dad. They have a special connection. E looks to his papa for security and love. It is the most precious thing to watch my boys together. I don't care if it sounds cliche - it really does melt my heart.

For us, it's far better for us to divide the labor, so to speak, when it comes to E. Since the initial couple of tough months when he was born we've gradually gotten better and better with this. I am sure this is why E is so close with each of us. My husband trusts me to do my best, and I trust him to do the same. I don't step in and tell him how to be a dad, and he doesn't tell me how to be a mom. We each do our parenting in our own way. It feels just perfect, exactly as it should be.

So don't take my silly complaint serious, okay? I'm glad that daddy is the hero sometimes. To me, this is how it should be - a shared throne. As long as my boys remember who the queen bee is around here, we'll be just fine!

what keeps childhood alive?

For today's post, I am piggy-backing on a wonderful post I just read from the blog Intentional Life. She paints a scene from Mother's Day, one overflowing with gratitude for her family and the simple joys her children know. She poses a great question: what keeps childhood alive?

I'm sure we all wish we had the answer to this one. It's something I think about often in my experience as an educator. I am a big believer that it's positive experiences and the emotions born from those positive experiences that we hearken back to as adults. To me, the best way to keep childhood alive is to share it with young children and help create new feel-good experiences for them.

Especially in environmental education, I'd be foolish to think that scientific nomenclature is what a young child remembers best about time spent in the garden or in the woods. No, it's the feeling she gets from discovering the place that resurfaces throughout her life.

This is a topic that is deeply personal to me as an educator. But now as a parent, it is particularly troubling to me when other parents seem to nonchalantly brush this idea off. I am adamantly passionate about how important it is for us to spend real, quality time with our children. Quality time is about creating a bond of love and respect with our kids, of course. But it's also tied in to setting examples, creating positive experiences, and showing them IN ACTION (not words) that they matter.

Raising "good" people is serious challenge for anyone.

And guess what? This takes effort. LOTS of effort. And sometimes planning. It's not easy to let go of our own personal needs, especially after a long day or when we are under stress, to focus on our kids. Some days it may not seem humanly possible, and believe me, I've been there. But devoting UNPLUGGED, UNDIVIDED attention to our kids is crucial if we want to fan that beautiful spark that is blissful childhood.

How can we expect to keep childhood alive if we miss out on it in the first place?

thankful heart thursday

Driving home from work, my head is spinning. Or, more accurately, throbbing. There's lots of pressure, people to please, and stress about how everything's going to get accomplished during my jam-packed part-time hours. Running a preschool is demanding, but it's the demands I make on myself that seem to hurt the most.

While I was stressing, er, unwinding, on the drive home today, my mind wandered to what it might be like if I worked in a corporate setting...and I immediately felt myself cringe. I remember all too well what it was like to work for the County, with all the strict parameters, red tape, legal-ease, and hoops to jump through. Even the thought of it brought me right back down to Earth.

Despite the difficult days, I am one of the lucky few with a dream job. I am ever grateful for the flexibility and autonomy that I have working at a small non-profit. I feel supported and respected by my colleagues. And I am infinitely grateful that if I have to be away from my son, it's for a cause I truly believe in.

There you have it - my first thankful heart Thursday.